Thursday, December 18, 2014

Maintaining Your Attitude with Button-Pushing

and Not "Lighting Up Like a Christmas Tree"

William Hogan,
Executive Director of Programs of the
Autism Treatment Center of America®

For those of you who have attended The Son-Rise Program® Start-Up you will remember the phrase "lighting up like a Christmas Tree". This image was used to explain what we tend to do when our children do things we do not want them to do (i.e. knocking things onto the floor, turning the lights on and off, pushing over the trash bin, etc.). We talked about how this makes these behaviors and actions more interesting for our children to do and that when we 'light up' we are actually encouraging the very behaviors we say we don’t want. During the recent holiday season your child was probably home from school and/or your child had less playroom time if your volunteers went home for the holidays. During this time you may have been more challenged with maintaining your attitude when your child was doing things you did not want them to do.

Here are a couple of pointers to help you maintain your attitude, during those challenging moments as you begin 2015 (and also ensuring that the only Christmas Tree lighting up will be next December!!)

1.   Remember You are doing the best you can!
No matter how you respond to what your child does always remember you are doing the best you can. Be easy on yourself ... it will be more helpful to you and your child if you are non-judgmental and accepting of yourself. Be nice to you.
2.   What might be fun for you may be overwhelming and distressing for your child.
Make smart choices. If a party at friend’s or relative’s house or going on trips to the store etc. will overwhelm your child, consider having someone look after your child or don’t go and have a fun time at home. Taking your child to over stimulating places could result in them being more stressed when home, and hence more button pushing.

3. Hours in the Playroom.
Do your best to spend some time each day in the playroom. Playroom Son-Rise Program time will truly make the difference in helping your child develop the social skills and understanding to not button push.

4. Use the services of babysitter or someone who can be responsible to look after your child
You don’t always need a skilled / trained facilitator with your child. A person who can make sure your child is safely looked after can be very helpful and useful during busy times.

5. Make the house user-friendly.
Look around your house and see what adjustments and changes you can make so that your child has less opportunity to button push or do something you do not want them to do. (i.e. limit access to parts of the house you do not want your child to be in, locks the doors to keep your child from entering certain rooms, put away objects you do not want your child to touch, etc.)

6. When your child does something you do not want them to do or they start ‘button pushing’ for attention use the below basic guideline to help you: If it’s a dangerous / harmful situation … do what you need to do to take care of the situation, even if it means ‘Lighting Up Like a Xmas Tree”. Then take the necessary actions to ensure that this situation does not occur again.

If it is a non-dangerous / harmful situation then do the following …

· Attitude: Remember getting frustrated, annoy, etc will result in you lighting up like a Xmas Tree, and ultimately encourage your child to do that unwanted behavior again!!! Do your best to stay relaxed and calm as you take action.
· Wait 30 Seconds before acting: Since it is not a dangerous / harmful situation, pause for 30 seconds, before taking action. This pause avoids giving your child an immediate response to what they have just done. Then move slowly to take care of what has happened. Don’t make eye contact with your child or talk with them … making eye contact and talking to them could be the very thing your child is seeking!
· Offer an Alternative: i.e. If your child likes to knock over the trash bin – make the trash bin inaccessible and offer them something they can knock over like a cushion or empty cardboard box , etc.
· Change the environment: So the situation is no longer available / accessible.
· Be consistent: Let everyone who comes into contact with your child on a daily basis know what they can do to ensure not responding in a way that could encourage your child to do that unwanted behavior again.
· Celebrate your child: Each time they behave the way you want them to.

Do take time to pause and celebrate the changes in your child, no matter how big or small. Remember you have made these changes possible.

We hope you have a wonderful 2015 and that you continue to grow yourselves to be more relaxed, fun and a more passionate. Be an active advocate for yourself and your child. 

Monday, December 1, 2014

Helpful Holiday Hints

By Raun K. Kaufman, Author AUTISM BREAKTHROUGH and Director of Global Education

Often, we just barrel through the holidays, hoping for the best - but dreading the worst. But, I promise, it is possible to make your holiday experience fun, relaxed, and special for your special child(and for you). I know all the amazingness that your child is capable of. In addition to being the Director of Global Education for the Autism Treatment Center of America® and having worked with families and their children on the autism spectrum for the past 15 years, I had my own personal autism adventure.

At a young age, I was diagnosed with severe autism, with no language, eye contact, or communication of any kind. Completely encapsulated in my own world, I would rock back and forth and flap my hands for hours on end. My parents were told that I was destined to spend my life in an institution. Refusing to give up on me, my parents created The Son-Rise Program® in an effort to reach me. Rather than forcing me to conform to a world that I didn't understand, they began by joining me in my world first.

It worked. After three and a half years, I recovered completely with no trace of my former condition, graduating from the Ivy League's Brown University. And the method that helped me went on to help thousands of families from over 100 different countries.

I wrote my new book Autism Breakthrough (St. Martin's Press) to give parents like you a step-by-step guide to implement the techniques that helped me and so many other magnificent children and adults. I am including some concepts from my book in the Helpful Holiday Hints below. I hope that they are, indeed, helpful to you!

1) Let your child cope.

Most of our children perform various repetitive “stimming” behaviors. An increasing body of research is showing that these behaviors are useful and important to your child and his/her nervous system. So, when your child starts hand-flapping, asking the same question over and over, or lining up toy cars, allow your child to do this. In fact, it can be even more helpful if you join your child in these behaviors! That's right, join your child in the very behaviors that everyone else is trying to stop them from doing! Flap your own hands, or line up your own toys! This promotes, for your child, more calmness and more interaction!

2) Celebrate your child!

Most of us dread our child behaving in a challenging way. We worry about it, we look for it, and we try to stop it as soon as it happens. Ironically, this puts all the focus on what we don't want from our children. If you don’t want your child to hit, for instance, focusing on getting your child not to hit actually creates more hitting. Instead celebrate your child every time they do something well. If your child sometimes hits, cheer wildly every time your child is gentle!

3) Explain in advance.

Sometimes, we can be so busy planning and getting ready for a holiday outing or project that we forget to notify a crucial participant: our special child! Before going on a trip or having a celebration: Explain to your child ahead of time (even if your child is pre-verbal) what will happen and why it will be fun for him/her.

4) Give your family the heads-up.

Many of us, at times, feel frustrated with members of our extended family for not being more understanding and responsive when it comes to our child on the spectrum. But, remember, if your extended family members don't live with your child, they won't "get it." If you are visiting family with your child, send them an e-mail to explain what they can do to make the visit comfortable for you and your child. Explain why sudden loud noises might be problematic, or tell everyone the answer your child likes to hear when he or she asks over and over, “How fast does your car go?”

5) Designate a mellow room.

It's very common to go to someone else's house for a holiday celebration. Usually, we just take our child and hope for the best, thinking that we don't have a lot of control over the matter. But we do! If you are going to someone else’s house with your child, designate, in advance, a calm room or space where your child can go to decompress once they begin to be overwhelmed by all of the commotion and sensory input that comprise most celebrations. Every so often, take your child to this room and spend some time alone with him/her.

6) Mimic an outing without leaving your home!

Children on the autism spectrum will always do better when they are not over-stimulated by the many sights, sounds, smells, and unpredictable events of the outside world. You can create an experience in your home that you normally would go out for. For instance, instead of going to an evening parade with a festival of lights, you can put Christmas lights all around your house, turn off all the lights, and play Christmas music at a gentle volume. You may be concerned about depriving your child of a fun holiday experience, but keep in mind that when your child can’t digest the experience, they’re not having the fun experience you want, anyway. That’s why, if you can create a digestible version of the experience at home, your child can take in and enjoy the experience. By doing this, you are actually giving your child more, not less!

7) Avoid food fiascos.

Yes, it's the holidays. Sugary, wheat-filled, dairy-crazy foods abound. It can be tempting to allow our children to partake in this glorious cornucopia.  Don't give in to this mighty temptation! The meltdowns, overeating, challenging behavior, and diarrhea that will result will not be worth it, I assure you! Taking the forethought to either keep these foods away, or, better yet, not have them around at all will make your whole holiday experience a hundred thousand times easier.

8) Take the holiday spirit home.

So often, we get caught up in the trappings of the holidays – the tree, the presents, the outings that have to go exactly as planned. It’s okay to arrange fun things, but remember that these are only trimmings. They aren’t the gift, they’re just the wrapping. The gift is your special child. The gift is sharing hope and sweetness with the people you love. Instead of using the holidays as a planning fest, use it to see the beauty in your child’s uniqueness. Use it to celebrate what your child can do, and use it to feel and encourage compassion for your child’s very different way of experiencing the world.

Monday, November 3, 2014

EXCITING ANNOUNCEMENT Autistic Logistics is Coming!

Reprinted by permission of Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 2015, Autistic Logistics, Kate Wilde, ISBN 978-1-84905-779-0,

Kate Wilde, Director, The Son-Rise Program

My book Autistic Logistics will be published by Jessica Kinsley Publishers on December 21,  2014 in the United Kingdom, and January 21,  2015 in the United States. 

Autistic Logistics is for you and ALL parents who have children on the autism spectrum … helping with the everyday challenges of parenting outside of therapy time or school time. The book is based on The Son-Rise Program® principles and techniques, however,  it can be used by ANY parent, caregiver, therapist, teacher or family member who loves a child with autism. Autistic Logistics will be very helpful if the primary therapy for your child is ABA, Floortime, RDI, Verbal Behavior, Handel, Intensive Play therapy or any other. It’s truly for everyone who wants help with the following:

·        Sleeping Challenges
·        Hitting
·        Tantrums
·        Toilet Training
·        Introducing new foods
·        Tooth Brushing
·        Hair Cutting
·        Dressing
·        Boundary Setting

Most of these challenges take place outside of therapy or school time but happen every day, every week, and every month. Autistic Logistics is designed to help with “everyday” challenges.

Autistic Logistics is extremely practical, full of concrete step-by-step strategies that you can implement immediately with your child. It also has exercises that you can do to help you understand your child and yourself on a deeper level and put the strategies into practice with comfort and ease.

Enjoy this sneak preview of Chapter 4 of Autistic Logistics  … Reprinted by permission of Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 2015, Autistic Logistics, Kate Wilde, ISBN 978-1-84905-779-0,

Chapter 4 – Motivation: The Key to Everything.

Motivation is everything. We work harder, learn quicker and engage more when we are really interested and enjoying what we are doing. Raun K. Kaufman in his book, “Autism Breakthrough: The Groundbreaking Method that has Helped Families All Over the World.” says:
“Motivation is the engine of growth. It is the single largest factor in your child’s learning and progress. When a child is following his or her own intrinsic interests and motivations, learning comes fast and furious.”

I worked with Gabriella a beautiful young girl of 7. Gabriella loved food, wanted to eat and look at pictures of food all day long. At that time food was her one and only motivation. Because Gabriella focused nearly all of her attention around food her parents were trying to move her away from food and get her into doing something else. They wanted her to read, learn math, and experience more of what “the world had to offer”.  They did this by introducing subjects and things that had nothing to do with food. This was not working. She showed no interest in what they were offering her. This was because they were completely ignoring what it is that she enjoyed - food.

The idea is to use your child motivations, by marrying the goal or skill you want your child to learn with what it is they enjoy. We did that with Gabriella. So instead of trying to get her away from the subject of food we embraced it and made it the central focus of everything we offered her. Over the next two years she learned to speak through naming all the different foods. She learned math by cooking her favorite foods and measuring out the ingredients. She learned to be flexible and spontaneous by making up her own recipes. She learned about the different cultures of the world through studying their different foods. She even learned French and Italian!

It is important to note that this is not about giving rewards for a job well done. It is about putting what they enjoy at the center of the activity or learning.
This is going to be so important as you go about encouraging your child to do all the skills outlined in this book.

Carl was 10 years old and he loved staccato rhythms.  He would tap out rhythms using his fingers on the floor the walls and the backs of books. His preferred state of being was to lie on a beanbag and tap out rhythms. One goal we worked on with him was to encourage him to be more active. So I brought in a skipping rope. Instead of introducing it to him in a traditional way I showed him how he could use the skipping robe in a way that I knew would interest him first. I took the handles of the skipping rope and tapped out a rhythm. I then gave it to him and he taped out a rhythm. Then I swung the skipping robe in a way that the rope made a rhythm on the floor. This helped him become interested and interact with the skipping rope. We had a lot of fun and by the end of the session he had attempted to skip. Hooray for Carl! Putting what he was motivated for, tapping at the center of the activity helped him reach the goal of being more active.


We can find out what really motivates our children by observing where they put their attention. Then we can marry their motivation with the goal we have for our child. This book is about how to help our children with their self help skills such as taking a bath, sitting on the toilet, eating new foods and much more. These endeavors will be so much more successful if we do them in a way that interests our children. For some of you it will be immediately obvious to you what motivates your child, for others it may not be so apparent. The exercise below is designed to help you find out what motivates your child.

Exercise 1
Spend 15 minutes a day for five days just observing your child as they play by themselves. Notice not just what they are playing with but how they are playing with it.  What senses are they predominately using? As you observe them notice what they are doing, if they are tapping things with their fingers then that is their motivation. It does not have to be playing with something in the traditional sense. Our children play and explore differently. The following list will help you observe in a particular way. Just tick the boxes that are relevant to your child.
He touches or taps things in a rhythmic way.
□ The rhythm is fast
□ The rhythm is slow
□ The rhythm is staccato
□ The rhythm is syncopated
Write your child’s favorite rhythm in the space provided below.

He is visually stimulated.
□ He looks at things out of the corner of his eye
□ He lines things up in neat rows
□ He likes to arrange things in scenes
□ He likes to arrange thing in piles
□ He stares at the wall, or ceiling, or at the woodwork, or light switches
□ He stares intently at his own fingers as he slowly wiggles them
□ He looks at patterns while running his fingers over the pattern
□ He will watch the credits role down the TV again and again
□ He will draw
□ He likes to watch the chalk dust fall
□ He watches things that move like fans or any electrical equipment
□ He stares at light on floorboards
□ He watches little things falling through the air like rice
□ He watches a scarves fall through the air
□ He closely watches the wheels of a car spin
□ He watches a piece of string dangle
□ He waves a belt along the floor watching it move like a snake
Write what and how your child watches things in the space provided below.

She likes to engage in physical activities.
□  She runs from one side of the room to another banging her hands into the walls
□ She paces using large steps starting slowly and gathering speed, then slowing down and again gathering speed
□ She flaps her hand, stimulating mainly his wrists
□ She flaps her fingers only
□ She shakes her head from side to side
□ She pushing her tongue against the side of his cheeks
□ She chews on any object she has
□ She slaps the side of her head, legs, or claps her hands.
□ She jumps
□ She is constantly in perpetual motion
□ She holds an object most of the time
Write your child’s particular physical activity in the space provided below.

He likes to listen to sounds.
□ He puts a car up close to his ear and listens to the whirl of the car wheels
□ He makes sounds to himself as he jumps, spins, or watches things fall
□ He listens to the clank of a belt buckle falling to the ground as he watches it fall
□ He bangs doors, listening to the click of the door handle opening or closing
□ He says the same phrase or word over and over again, with a particular inflection or rhythm
□ He shakes bells
Add the specific sound your child likes to hear in the space below.

She likes patterns.
□ She likes to do puzzles
□ She likes numbers
□ She likes to spell words
□ She likes to solve math problems
In the space below write your child own specific interest in patterns.

He likes to engage with textures and touch.
□ He loves soft things
□ He loves hard and bumpy textures
□ He loves furry things
□ He likes sand paper
□ He will wrap himself up in a blanket
□ He loves silky cloths
□ He will roll cars up and down his arms
□ He likes soft touch
□ He likes hard pressure like squeezes
□ He loves ribbon
□ He loves the feel of hair
In the space below write any other texture or touch your child likes.

What kind of spaces does she like?
□ She likes the doors and windows to be open
□ She will always close the door
□ She will surround herself with cushions
□ She will play underneath the table, or in a small play tent or lay house
□ She will play surrounded by a fortress of books or stuffed animals
□ She likes to play in a dark space
□ She likes to play in a light space
In the space provided below write down any other kind of space your child enjoys.

What type of characters does he like?
□ Plastic Disney characters?
□ Soft plush Disney characters?
□ Movie characters?
□ Characters from a storybook?
Write your child favorite characters in the space provided below.

What music or song does your child like?
Write them down in the space provided below.

Does your child show you a color preference?
If so write in the space provided below.

Exercise 2
This time notice how your child responds to what YOU do. As you read below see if your child likes you to do any of these actions. If you’re not sure then find out by trying the action with your child.  If they do, then that’s their motivation.
□ Speaking in funny voices, like Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck
□ Using slapstick humor like pretending to fall on a banana peel
□ Big gestures, and big facial expressions
□ Big celebrations
□ Singing to them
□ Playing musical instrument
□ Dancing in big and funny ways
□ Whispering
□ Using anticipation
□ Talking softly
□ Clapping hands
□ Pretending to be an animal
□ Reading books out loud
□ Tickling him
□ Big squeezes
□ Blowing on his body

Add any other things that you do that motivate your child in the space below.

Now you have just created a list of your child’s own unique motivations. As you read the upcoming chapters use these specific motivations to encourage your child to want to do the goals in this book, by putting your child’s motivation at the center of the activity. For example:

Marcus’s story:  goal = eat new foods, motivation = Spiderman.
Marcus was 5 and completely in love with Spiderman. I think the only clothes he ever wore while I knew him was a Spider Man Costume – so cute! While he loved spider man he seemed not to be so interested in eating. He was underweight and his parents understandably were very concerned about his health. So we took his motivation for Spider man and married it with our goal of wanting him to eat. We started by making up stories about what Spiderman loved to eat after he has done his days work of being a super hero. He was amazing at drawing so we drew cartoons together about spider man and every place we could we would draw spider man eating, or stopping off at the shops to get his favorite foods. These were of course all the different foods that we wanted Marcus to eat. We would then bring in what we started to call “Spiderman Meals”. We introduced the food on Spiderman party plates and while we were playing we would stop for a Spiderman munch.  Within a couple of weeks he had started to put on weight. This was because we made eating the most interesting we could for him by putting what he enjoyed most “Spiderman” at the center of the activity.
You can pre-order your copy of Autistic Logistics now at…

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Do you know what happens at your child’s school?

Becky Damgaard
Son-Rise Program® Teacher,
Autism Treatment Center of America®
Do you know what happens at your child’s school?

In order to know whether your child’s current therapies and school environment are a good fit for them, one step you can take is to contact the principal at the school and set up an observation of your child’s day. This will help you gain important information and understand what their day looks like in much more detail than you can gain from reading a teacher's report. I have heard from parents over the years that observations aren’t encouraged, so it often doesn't occur to them to request the opportunity to observe. Know that it is well within your rights to observe your child in school.

Observing your child will help you educate yourself to be able to make the most well-informed decisions when it comes to your child’s various learning environments. Observing your child will help you gain a glimpse into the day to day events her/his current environment provides and will also help you further support and make decisions regarding your child’s development. When you are observing your child, be aware of the following three areas:

1.   Control - How much control does your child seem to get throughout their day? Track the amount of times they are told “no”, how often they are not allowed to do something they want to do and if they are physically manipulated at all.

Creating an environment where your child can more easily trust and relate to people is going to support their social growth and inspire them to want to step outside their comfort zones and take more steps toward social interaction. Your child’s world is already unpredictable. It’s important that we reduce the limits and boundaries imposed upon them and make their interactions more helpful and user-friendly. Our children thrive on predictability and being in control so look for how many transitions there are throughout their day and how they cope with each transition. Also note any unpredictable events that occur during the day.

2. Distractions - How overwhelming and distracting is the school environment? When our children are over-stimulated they tend to need to do their repetitious and exclusive behaviors (isms) more often and need time to recuperate and adjust to the external distractions and sensory overload that is happening. Is the classroom highly distracting with noise and visual stimuli or is it calming and soothing to be in? What happens when they ism? Are they put in a “time out”? Are they stopped from doing their ism or are they re-directed to another activity? We believe that children are taking care of themselves, calming themselves and regulating their sensory processing systems when they ism. Providing them with a quiet space or room they can escape to when they need to ism, will be more supportive than stopping them or judging them for the ism behavior.

3. Socialization - Are your child's attempts at socialization being encouraged or discouraged? Since connecting and relating to people is the core challenge children with autism face, socialization is the primary focus in The Son-Rise Program. Track how often they are making eye contact with others and what happens when they do. Is their eye contact being acknowledged and celebrated? Is there any one-on-one contact where someone can be with your child positioning themselves in front of him/her, really helping them relate to people? Or… is the focus all about them doing academic or self-help tasks? If their eye contact is not being recognized and encouraged to develop, how can they learn to continue to use eye contact as a means of connecting with others? Record how and when they use language to express themselves or to verbally participate. Is your child’s communication welcomed and acknowledged throughout their day? It is important that we really encourage our children to share their language and perceive that their social communication is valuable. When you observe recess and lunch time … is your child approaching other children or vice versa? Is there an adult present to facilitate interaction between peers? As you observe, you want to sit quietly at the back of the classroom and take notes. If your child comes to you and tries to engage with you, sweetly explain you are visiting and won’t be participating with them and lovingly re-direct them back to the task at hand. Sometimes parents will watch from a window of the classroom to minimize distractions.

Taking the step to observe your child means taking a more proactive role and having a greater say in how you want them to spend their time. Certainly, you want your child to thrive and succeed in school, not just to simply scrape by. To thrive and succeed not just in their classes and therapies but throughout out each step of their entire school day.

If you are looking for guidance in this area of your journey with your child, please don't hesitate to contact us and book a consultation package with a Son-Rise Program Teacher

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Does Your Child Tantrum When They Don’t Get What They Want?

Susan Humphries
Son-Rise Program® Teacher 
Autism Treatment Center of America®

Children are so beautiful at expressing themselves in so many ways. One common way children express themselves when they do not get what they want is to tantrum. Even if there is just an inkling of a “no” coming from us. Your child’s protest can have many versions - whining, crying, screaming, wailing, throwing themselves to the floor, slapping or biting, head banging, etc. Why does your child communicate in this way? Because it works! 

Understanding why your child’s crying works:

  • It gets them what they want: Our children use this form of communication because at some point it has gotten them what they wanted. To avoid a full blown tantrum many parents react quickly to avoid it. For example, if your child wants one more cookie, you may say, “No more, you’ve had enough”… until they whine, frown, and you begin to see the tears welling up in their eyes. In quick response you offer a handful of cookies to head off a potential disaster!
    · It moves people: That scream in the grocery store can make any mommy or daddy finish their shopping in record time. This may be your child’s way of saying “no” to the place you have taken him/her to or their way of reacting to people they want to get away from.
    · It gives them a sense of control: Our children need a lot of control in order to cope with a world that they may feel is out of control. By tantruming, not only do they get what they want faster, but they also gain a sense of control over other people. Watch how people respond the next time your child tantrums … they get right out of the way as if there were a swarm of stinging bees in the living room. WOW! People are the most unpredictable factors in our children’s lives. It must give our children a real sense of relief to know that they can make people move away or make people  deliver their wants more quickly.

    Why do we “feed” the tantrum?
    It is all in our attitude:
    We make ourselves uncomfortable -- sad, angry, anxious, guilty, nervous, and more. We torture ourselves with these uncomfortable feeling because of what we believes when we experience our child’s tantrum.

    Here are some common gut wrenching beliefs that parents hold before they complete the training and learn the tools of The Son-Rise Program® :
    · It is my responsibility as a parent to make my child happy.
    · I feel sorry for my child because she/he has special needs.
    · Others will judge me as a bad parent if my child is crying.
    · I don’t want my child to think I don’t love them.
    · It is a problem and I must fix it.
    · The assumption that your child is intensely unhappy when they tantrum and that there is something terribly wrong.

    The new you will know what to do!
    Abandon your old way of thinking and try something new:
    · There is always a reason to reply “no”. Think about it – you say “no” because you care for your child. It is not beneficial for them to eat cookies instead of dinner, watch too much television, run out into the street without clothes, eat the paint off the wall, draw all over their baby sister’s face, (these are all true stories), etc. Limits are acts of love. We all needed limits as children and we all learned from them.

    · Remember tantruming is a form of communication not a statement of great suffering. I have seen a child go from a full drama tantrum to a smile in a split second. NO child has the emotional burdens that we create for ourselves as adults.

    · It’s not a problem it’s an opportunity. Teaching your child how to calmly and easily handle the “no” now will benefit them for the rest of their life. Ultimately, you can teach your child to be calm even if they don’t get what they want. You are supporting a lifetime of happiness for your child when you teach them this belief.

    · Your child’s diagnosis is not a weakness! Feeling sorry for your child will only put your child in the dictator position and they will be ruling your house in no time. View your child as strong and capable of doing the best they can to get what they want. Viewing your child as capable of moving through his/her challenges actually empowers everyone.

    · Loving your child through this time will help you stay calm and be clear with the following actions to take. Believing that there is nothing wrong with you, with your child, or the circumstance will feed your love and comfort.

    Let’s get REAL with it instead of refusing to deal with it !
    Relax- think to yourself one of the thoughts above to support your comfort!

    Explain- Sweetly tell your child the truth as to why you are setting the limit. For example, say, “I love you, sweetie and having another cookie is not good for your body. It’s ok if you want to cry but it will not get you another cookie.

    Act slowly, quietly and be mellow – No need to keep explaining, no need to offer something to stop the crying. Don’t let the tantrum affect your reaction. One sweet explanation is enough and ZERO reaction is the most tangible lesson for your child. Doing this will help your child hear and see that his/her dramatic protest will not move you to change your reply.

    Love your child through the tantrum they have created and brewed for themselves. NOT giving in is the act of love. Be the calm in their storm. If you’re in The Son-Rise Program playroom you can simply play on your own in the corner, blowing bubbles until your child calms themselves down. If you are washing the dishes, hold a feeling of love in your silence. You will be empowered and you will empower your child in the long run.

Friday, August 1, 2014

It’s Summer! Fun summer activities to bring into your Son-Rise Program Playroom

Have fun bringing the beauty of summer into your Son-Rise Program Playroom at home!

Bring the beach to your child:
  • Have fun gathering lots of various beach items: a beach ball, plastic buckets and shovels, beach chairs, an umbrella, some shells, beach towels, sunglasses, a boogie board, hats, and … anything else you enjoy bringing to the beach with you!
  • Set up your playroom the night before (while your child is not in the playroom) to make it look just like the beach. Then when your child walks into the room the next morning exclaim, "Wow! We get to have a day at the beach!"
  • Then spend the day playing with your new playroom items:
    • Throw the beach ball back and forth over a line of tape on the floor for a fun game of volleyball!
    • Use the buckets and shovels to create a pretend sandcastle. Use the beach chairs and umbrella as a fun reading nook in your playroom, or turn the umbrella upside down and spin it for your child as they watch you entertain them.
    • Try hiding the sea shells around the room and going on a scavenger hunt to find them. Place the beach towel on the ground and offer to give your child beach towel rides.
    • Pop the lenses out of a pair of sunglasses (so your child can see your eyes) and put them on your face as a tool to help your child look into your eyes- you can even put stickers of your child’s favorite animal all over the glasses and when you put the glasses on, you become that animal!
    • If your child has Higher Functioning Autism or Aspergers Syndrome then they might really love hearing some fun facts about the ocean or beach.
    • You could bring in pictures of yourself at the beach and encourage your child to show an interest in events that have happened in your own life while at the beach.
    • Try bringing in pictures of magazine cut outs of various beaches, or beach related items - and have fun creating your own “perfect” beach oasis!
... The possibilities are endless!!! Have fun bringing the beach to your own playroom!

Friday, June 27, 2014

Want Your Child to be More Flexible? Yes!

  • He always wants to wear the same t-shirt
  • She always has to have the same book read to her at bedtime
  • He always has to be the first person out the front door
  • She always eats the same food for breakfast, lunch and dinner
  • The interactive game we play always has to be done a specific way
  • He has to be the first person to press the button at all the pedestrian crossing points on the road when we go for a walk – if someone else has done it before him you have to wait, not crossing the road, until it is ready to be pushed again, by your son!
FLEXIBILITY is such vital part of interacting with others and a quality that is essential to handling daily life. It is one of those qualities that your child on the autism spectrum could have much more of. It’s also a quality we could also have more of ?, but that’s a discussion for another time. For your child the ability to vary their routine, to handle unpredictable changes in their schedule, to participate in something new and different, and to move with ease as all the small and big changes occur in their day to day life, is a challenge to the very nature of how they cope and make it through their day. No matter where your child is on the autism spectrum, from severe to high functioning autism / Aspergers, they have a challenge processing and handling the stimulus that the world constantly presents them. Bottom-line our children can be controlling and rigid (the opposite of flexible) because this creates a predictable and safe way for them to move through there day. They are doing the best they can to take care of themselves.

For those of you who have been to The Son-Rise Program® Start-Up or our advanced training programs, The Son-Rise Program® Maximum Impact or The Son-Rise Program® New Frontiers, you will have learned all the techniques to help your child grow to be more socially successful, which includes developing greater flexibility. Below are a number of items to review to ensure you are still on track with your Son-Rise Program®, which in turn will help with your child be less controlling and rigid and ultimately more flexible.

  • Son-Rise Program Playroom -- Focus room time:
    Make sure your child is being worked with in their play/focus room on a daily basis. This is the one place on the planet where they will have 99% control of what is happening. Your child has control over you, over the sounds, movement etc. In school, at home, in the playground there are always unpredictable and uncontrollable events happening; noises, physical movements of others and objects etc. that your child is working hard to process. For them it is like shopping at the mall all day during the Christmas holidays!! The playroom gives your child a time in their day when they can experience having control, where they can continue to learn to process what the world is presenting to them. A child who can process more of what the world is presenting to them and has a great feeling of being in control will be more flexible.

  • Your Attitude:
    Be an example of the very quality you want to help your child develop – FLEXIBILITY. Think about a recurring situation with your child where you get stuck on the outcome going your way. How can you be more relaxed and easy? As you pursue what you want with your child, imagine enjoying yourself, this is an important part of being flexible. Even if you do not get the outcome you want, be relaxed (you can always try again later or tomorrow). This is FLEXIBILITY IN ACTION and will be an inspirational model of FLEXIBILITY for your child.

  • The Son-Rise Program Techniques
    • JOIN: When your child “isms” (stims) they do so to create an internal sense of control and predictability in the world around them that they do not fully understand. Their “ism” also helps them block out the other stimulus that is bombarding their senses. When we join our child it gives them the message that we accept who they are and understand they are doing the best they can. We give them the space to recharge and regenerate, we give them the message that they are in control and that we will wait for them to show us when they are ready to come be with us. The more a child feels they have control – the less controlling they will be (this is no different than how we are!). Join your child with full delight and acceptance. Do not interrupt; wait for those clear “green lights” before building and inviting your child to interact with you.

    • CELEBRATE: Celebration of your child is essentially a blast of love and delight for who they are in that moment. Your celebration is a communication of acceptance and appreciation that will help your child feel more embraced, which in turn will help them be less controlling and more flexible. Don’t be stingy with your celebrations and remember to be sincere as you express your gratitude and appreciation for what your child is doing.
    • USER-FRIENDLY: If your child feels that people are inflexible and difficult to be with, then you become part of that world that overwhelms them that they don’t fully understand. Whenever we have an opportunity to help our children get what they want, especially when they are in a controlling and rigid mode, then we want to do so with speed and delight, letting our child know that we love helping them.

    • NOTE: Remember we said we will give them 99% control and you will maintain 1% control. For example, you may stop your child from throwing objects down the toilet, or running out the front door in winter without shoes. The 1% control you maintain is to take care of your child’s well-being, and the well-being of your home. When you are working in the playroom, and giving so much control, it’s then much easier for your child to handle the other, more rare, cases in which you have to set a boundary.
  • For the next month add these elements to how you interact with your child. Do it in your playroom and around the house. If you are already doing these elements then see where you can do it even more. Additionally look for situations where you consistently get into control battles with your child. Instead of expecting your child to change, think about what you can do to reduce or prevent these situations from happening.

    Have the best time helping your child be more FLEXIBLE!
    With much love and smiles,
    William Hogan

    Executive Director of Programs & Son-Rise Program Teacher and Group Facilitator

    Monday, June 2, 2014

    Relationships With People Versus Relationships With Screens

    Susan Humphries
    Son-Rise Program® Teacher, 
    Autism Treatment Center of America®
    Relationships With People
    Versus Relationships With Screens

    Have you noticed that screened media is everywhere you look these days?  There are TV’s in our living rooms, cars, and grocery stores too.  Televisions, computers, smart phones, video game devices all fall under the pervasive screen team. We know that you want to support your children in the development of having joy filled relationships versus spending thousands of hours isolating themselves behind those captivating screens.   One significant way to do this is to remove all electronic devices or screen media.  The American Academy of Pediatrics reports that children under the age of six spend an average of 32 hours a week watching screened media. This number increases as our children get older, with an average of 49 hours a week for our 8 to 18 year olds.
    Here are some common reasons we hear from parents as to why they let their children spend so much time with devices:
    ·         “It is a babysitter.”- Probably one of the most common reasons I hear from parents why they use devices is to babysit their children when they need to tend to their busy lives.   When the device is removed your child will find other interests to gravitate towards.   Create an area that you can easily see and hear your child and  that is safe for your child to be in.  Bring into this safe place fun toys that your child may be interested in, such as their favorite items to ism with and other objects of interest. Many of our children who are high functioning tend to spend their screen time with video games or their favorite shows or movies. Consider gathering books, board games, coloring books, figurines and other items that are connected to their media interest.   Solo play actually helps our children with developing creativity, problem solving, and motor planning.
    ·         “We use it as a reward to good behavior.”- Children on the spectrum already have a phenomenal tendency to become fixated in a repetitious way on things that are compelling. Often times this leads to screen time being one of their biggest motivations. It is not uncommon for people to use screen media as a reward when teaching; such as sitting through meal time, potty training, learning a new skill, etc.  In The Son–Rise Program® we use motivations that we, ourselves, deliver and celebrations as a reward.  This way we are encouraging relationships and understanding vs. prompt-reward dependency.

    ·          “My apps have taught my children the ABC’s and 1, 2, 3’s.”- Screen devices go against the very skills that we teach in The Son-Rise Program … SOCIALIZATION.

    ·         Language development: Do not be deceived that the lines your child says over and over again from their favorite show is a form of language.  We want to encourage communicative language.  There have been many studies revealing that the less screen time a child has and the more time they have with people the better their understanding and use of language.  Also, there is a direct link between the more children watch screened devices and the greater chance for them to have language delays. TV, the computer, smart phones, video games will never respond to your child. It is one sided. The more responding we do to our children’s sounds, words, gestures the more it reinforces for them to use it.

    ·         Attention Span: Many of you have noticed that your child can attend to watching TV or playing on a screen for a long period of time but their attention is fleeting when being with or playing with people. Screen media is actually hypnotic- habit forming and addictive. The audio and visual stimulation is EXTREME. Research suggests that the intense sensory stimulation from video causes our brains to release dopamine.   When dopamine is produced it switches on the pleasure and reward center in our brains.  To put it into perspective, the same places are switched on with alcohol and cocaine use.   There is no way that you can be as compelling as Pokémon, Sponge Bob, Zelda Universe, etc.  This is one reason it is challenging for us to compete with screens when trying to create interaction.  Also, because it is hypnotic in nature it will feed your child’s exclusivity.

    ·         “It is what we do as a family” :  Families with special children find that watching TV is the only thing their family does together. Sitting on the couch with the family can seem like a typical family interaction.  The reality is there is no interaction and it is just a group of people being exclusive, together.

    Useful tips when removing the devices:
    ·         Lock up your devices when you are not using them. We see many of our children become highly exclusive and controlling around screen watching.   I have seen children climb to the tops of a fridge to get to their parents’ smart phone.  Our children are so clever and often figure out your pass code. “Out of site out of mind,” is the most helpful.  
    ·         If you are not ready to recycle your Plasma screen TV, many families simply unplug their them or move their mini theaters into another room that can be locked.
    ·         If your child asks for it: No matter what your child’s level of language ability is explain to them why it is not around.  For example, “We are so excited that we get to spend more quality time together! We are not going to watch T.V (play on the computer, etc.)because it is so distracting and takes away our SPECIAL time  together.”
    ·         As mentioned above, create a safe place your child can occupy themselves when you are tending to other things.

    Most importantly run your Son–Rise Program.  Those captivating screens will never help your child grow as much as quality time with a loving, joyful and enthusiastic person in a non-distracting environment.