FROM BECKY: This week at our Son-Rise Program Intensive, we have worked with the most delightful four year old boy who at times will look a lot during his exclusive activities (e.g. rolling a train across a window sill repetitiously or drumming on a table with drumsticks).
On first glance it looks like he is giving you green lights, on further observation however, these looks do not have a connected quality to them and are too fleeting for us create interaction. This is where the motto “If in doubt, join!” comes in handy. This is how you will know these looks are not sustained:
1)If you celebrate your child’s looks and by the time you build from them, they have gone to back to the ism, and then you join again and they look again and this keeps happening, then it’s time to join.
2)Your child is not responding to what you are doing.
3)His/her eyes have a “staring” quality that doesn’t have a brightness or another green light with it (e.g. a smile, vocalization or physical contact).
4) Most of your child’s energy is busy attending to something else (e.g. an object in their hand, staring off, flapping their hands, etc) .
Joining your child will help them commit, they will either commit to connecting with you on a deeper level of they will ism more clearly, either way is an opportunity.
If they ism, wow, what a great chance for you to show your love and acceptance of them by doing just what they do and loving it! If they connect more deeply, equally delicious, you help them choose playing with you! Neither way is bad or less effective, both ways help you bond with your child. How wonderful!