FROM SIMONE: I am training a new volunteer and when doing feedback before I started to comment on my notes I asked the customary question: “How did you feel today?”
She then asked me why we always ask this question and when I explained it to her it was great to give me a perspective into feedback dynamics. Sometimes we just get used to doing the same thing over and over again and we never question ourselves why do I do it this way? It is great to always question ourselves so that what we do gain meaning and purpose.
I’ll then share with you what I answered bringing back that purpose in mind but also I thought it could be useful in terms of training as sometimes we know why we do what we do, but it is hard to put it into words when having to teach someone else. So that is what I said:
Most people go through their lives being a victim of what happens, of what we call stimulus. If it rains they get sad, if it is sunny they get happy, they think they have no control over how they feel. When we use the Option Process philosophy we know we have total control over how we feel. It is not the rain that “makes” me sad but it is what I believe about the rain that then influence my choice of being sad, change my belief and I’ll change my choice too. The beauty of this is that I can not control the weather but I can control my beliefs, I can choose them.
Another beauty in this process is that we can become students of ourselves, we can study our thought processes, what kind of choices I make, the thought process I chose that resulted in the happy choice and the thought that resulted in the sad choice.
When I was explaining this I realized we have the tendency of only dissecting our unhappy thoughts but when we feel good we don’t investigate: ” how come I feel good?”, which is really useful as in learning the thought process that led you to choose feel good so that you can reach it again when you need it.
When you ask a volunteer how they felt, first of all insist on an answer that really tells you how they felt, not what they did or what your child did and then if they say I felt good, try more specificity, how good? what other more specific words could you use? Dissect with them what kind of thoughts led them that way, this way it is going to be really useful to them to recreate that feeling when they don’t feel good.
What about you how did you feel today?
I felt great sharing this learning with you