FROM WILLIAM: “As I grew up I watched my mother be angry to get what she wanted, I see my see sister being angry to get what she wants and I am aware of myself getting angry to get what I want.” This is what a Son-Rise Program mother recently shared with me in a discussion we were having about how she felt about her life, her autistic child and her relationship with her partner.
As she explored the reasons behind the anger she realised it was a way to stop the pain she was feeling. She was feeling pain about the possibility of her child not changing, staying autistic and having to go into a care facility or group home. She dug deeper in herself and came to understand that her pain came from how she had learn to love and care. For her pain and distress was a way to show she loved, to show that she care and to show that it matter what happend to her son. Her pain was like a badge she wore to show herself and the world how deeply she cared and loved her son – yet all the world saw was an angry person.
Through this understanding she made a connection within herself that she had never had before. She understood where her anger came from and why she was using pain and unhappiness. From this new awareness she changed. She now was going to be loving and caring without pain and without anger. At the end of our time together she said, “I feel lighter, today I have understood and changed something deep within myself, something that I have not been able to change for over 20 years.”
Using unhappiness (anger, pain, etc.) to show ourselves and the world we care results in not feeling good within ourselves and in addition all the world sees is an angry unhappy person.
The next time you get anger or frustrated at yourself or someone else ask yourself why? Know you can deeply care and still be loving and accepting.
Love and smiles