A quote from Warren Buffet – “When you hire someone, you look for brains, energy and integrity, and if they don’t have the third, integrity, you better watch out, because the first two will (or can) kill you.” A bit over the top but the point is useful. Always ask for accountability with excellence. And always deliver it. Being your best is a form of self-appreciation. Love, Bears
Simone D.L.T. – A very good point when hiring volunteers for your Son-Rise Program.
Alison S.T. – I agree, when thinking about how I want to show up, integrity would be pretty near the top. The question that I have is how would we know with other people – how long do you have to know someone in order to know – I don’t want to test people’s integrity – just to know. What about ‘gut feeling’ – do we go with this? Trusting ourselves to know. Do we ever know? People can change. This is a big one for me. Also Bears, could you help me with the last sentence, I’m not sure I understand what you are saying here. Is it knowing that we are being our best selves, a ‘because I’m worth it’ moment – or something else. I am really enjoying the daily discussion here, thank you for initiating it – it keeps the flame burning at a higher level for me. Love and hugs
Simone D.L.T. – I think it means that we not only have to look for that in other people but to be an example ourselves and by doing that we are loving ourselves. If we think less of ourselves we are not being our friend, we never think less of our friends but think less of ourselves all the time.
Simone D.L.T. – With other people I transport myself to when I was autistic, then I know instantly, I get a panicky feeling of running away from people with no integrity or I just have Thiago with me and watch his reaction, he never fails to point me out in the right direction, he knows.
Alison S.T. – Wow that’s amazing – people with autism are so self-aware with such a great barometer for others, it is such an awesome place to be. But what about people who don’t have this advantage… can we ever know?
Pessy G. – I would dare to say, Yes. We know. Trust yourself. Become a student of yourself. Perhaps when you’re feeling not so trusting of another you could explore why that is. What’s stopping you from trusting and what would happen if you did trust… them. The choice to trust is yours. Sometimes, also, when someone is trusted they behave trustworthy. Perhaps the trust we have in other people might just be another make-believe we have about them. Hmmm…something for me to think about 🙂 Thank you Bears for putting your thoughts out there for others to play with. What a wonderful way to grow!
Simone D.L.T – Thinking about what I do when I say I become autistic again is you just use all your learning’s, being present, loving, accepting, being grateful, when you are really connected with all those feelings you get a connection back from the other person, even if they are not feeling well, when I was autistic I used to do that instantly then when I grew up and became “normal” I had to learn how to do it through the Option Process, learn from Jordan he can tell you what to do. Actually it would be curious to ask him since he has such good language, have you ever tried asking him?
Alison S.T. – No I haven’t asked him – he does have a heightened sense of awareness of how other people feel so maybe he knows whether people are trustworthy. The more I think about this the more I agree with Pessy that it is just another make-up that we have so the question is really about trusting ourselves because we will never really know about other people. So if we love first and act second and loving includes deep acceptance then that also includes trusting others – BUT then trusting myself to take effective action in loving myself if that person turns out to not have the integrity that I am looking for. What do you think? That feels good to me.
Lynn R.P. – I think we really only know what we know in that moment, as the world and everyone in it, is constantly changing and evolving. So, by trusting ourselves, our integrity, our ability, and our capacity to want the best for others, we can have faith that the “universe” will fall into place in that moment, exactly as it was meant to be. If someone turns out not to be what we “believed” them to be, then so be it. This is not a reflection on us and our beliefs, nor even a reflection on them (although, perhaps a snapshot of that moment) it simply is what it is. As for determining a person’s trustworthiness and integrity, I trust my intuition above everything else and it has not failed me yet.
Alison S.T. – I’m not sure that I believe in intuition – isn’t that just made up fast logic? I don’t think we actually can know anything, we are making it all up – so if I trust someone in a moment it is a choice based on my make believe that they are great to have around me at that time. The benevolent universe then deals with whatever transpires from then on. So our choice cannot let us down as such because there are no mistakes to be made. I need to think some more about it – because the theory is sounding good but can I walk this talk? This debate is so helpful for me.
Joan G.– And sometimes it takes that intuition to hire and only then will you find out in the future if there is truly integrity.
Lynn R.P. – Yes, intuition is fast logic and I remember Bev explaining fast logic vs slow logic in Optimal Self-Trust. Maybe the real thing is to simply trust ourselves, be the best that we can be according to our principles and beliefs and everything else will figure itself out.
Alison S..T. – After further thought I realise that actually integrity is more than just the ability to trust someone. I now think that it is a person’s ability to hold on to and remain constant to the set of moral values which determine their behaviour. I realised this because of the scientific way of measuring the integrity of a material or substance which involves testing the material in a way which would present a challenge to it and then seeing if in some way it has changed it’s make up. This I think applies to us in our choices of how we show up. It’s easy to be loving, happy, trustworthy and generous etc. when everything goes the way that we want it to but what happens when life really challenges us – when we don’t get what we want – does our integrity remain – are we still all the things we were before.
Alison S.T. – Could we grow them even bigger because of the challenge. If we could show up like this then wow just think what a difference that would make in the world – and if we could employ someone like this then we would have employed a diamond.
Lynn R.P. – Well said Alison….it is in life’s challenges that a person’s true character is revealed and it is an awesome thought that instead of reacting to a challenge, we act bigger with more love, more happiness, more generosity.