FROM BECKY: This morning, here at The Autism Treatment Center of America in our Son-Rise Program Intensive, I was teaching the Mother of an adorable 9 year old boy with Autism.

Something I noticed from observing this lovely Mom in the playroom was that she wasn’t building (offering a fun action) when her son gave her a green light (spontaneously interacted with her). So this meant that her son would spontaneously engage with her and then go back to his exclusive activity of ripping pages out of his coloring book.

When we talked about this, she came up with some very creative and fun ways that she could have built from her sons cues. All of which sounded awesome! I asked her some simple questions to understand why she hadn’t built and she revealed that she had been stuck in her head, in her own thought processes. So instead of doing something, she did nothing! From exploring this further it became clear that she was censoring herself from trying things, in case he said “No”. In her attempts to trying to stay away from what she didn’t want, she actually never once allowed herself to go for what she actually wanted. This also played out in many other areas of her life and a result of that was her constantly moving away from things concerning her son than moving toward them and taking action to first be aware of what she wanted and then move toward her wants.
When we ask ourselves the simple question of “What do I want right now?” We can be more active in our lives. This can apply to the smallest snapshot of our day (e.g. “What do I want in the playroom with my child?…..I want to have fun!….to connect with him…..to express my love) or to the largest aspect of our lives…..What do I want in my relationship?…..my job?…..my health?, etc.
When we figure out what we want, we begin a journey of moving toward! When we concentrate on what we don’t want, we move away from and therefore don’t take action. It’s a completely different path that disconnect us further and further from our wants.