Setting boundaries is an essential part of parenting and it’s a very important piece of helping our children grow to be healthy, well-functioning adults. Setting boundaries is an act of love!!!!”
“In The Son-Rise Program®, we set boundaries in three main areas: Things to do with a child’s safety and hygiene, the safety and wellbeing of those around them, and the wellbeing of their environment.
These are the steps we follow:
- When our children are doing something that is unsafe or could hurt someone else (or damage their environment), we calmly and lovingly ask for what you want. For example if a child is climbing on a high shelf, instead of shouting “Don’t do that!”, we calmly and lovingly say “I will ask you to come down now, so that you are safe!”
- Then we add an explanation, the reason why this boundary is important. For example, “This is a high surface, you can fall down and hurt yourself and I love you and want to keep you safe!” Our children are very smart, and understand what we tell them. By explaining to our children why you are setting a boundary, we are giving them the chance to know that you are doing that out of love and care for them.
- When safe, give your child the chance to respond to what you ask, before you attempt to move them out of a particular situation. We find that when we ask calmly for what we want, often times our children actually follow what we ask of them without us needing to move them.
- We celebrate our children when they are following set boundaries! For example, if they stop pulling down on a curtain or when they stop themselves from climbing on a high, unsafe surface. Focusing on the positives, help our children do it more.
- We limit our boundaries to things that really have to do with safety and hygiene. So you can ask yourself, is this really a safety and health concern and a true necessary boundary?
- We remove temporarily from our children’s environment things that are too hard for them to “resist” doing and are unsafe. For example, if our children are constantly drawing with markers on themselves and we believe this is unhealthy, then we get rid of those markers until our children have outgrown their need to draw on themselves. We give them another alternative, in this case here, we give them crayons or pencils to draw on paper.
- We believe that our children can and will follow through with the boundaries we are setting! Our confidence determines how our children respond to us.
- We suggest you stay calm, relaxed and loving. This is a great opportunity for you to help your child learn important skills that will help them navigate through life in a successful way.
Know that as a parent, you are (often times) the one that can teach your child those skills in the most loving and relaxed way!”