Tantrums, Take Four

Your child is throwing a big tantrum, they are putting their heart and soul into it, believing that this is the thing that will move you. You are putting into effect the Son-Rise Program attitude.

  • You comfort is not reliant on your child stopping their tantrum.
  • You feel calm and easy and are enjoying your child even as he tantrums
  • You marvel at his attempts to communicate and his mighty persistence.
You put a few of the highly effective Son-Rise Program techniques into effect.
  • You explain to him that crying will not get him what he wants.
  • That you cannot understand him as well when he cries and screams.
  • You let him know that he can cry all he wants but it won’t change the situation.
  • You try and be helpful by offering him things ……SLOWLY.
  • If you cannot get him the thing that he is wanting you offer an alternative …….SLOWLY.
But still he cries, screams and yells with all of his mighty intensity and persistence.
What to do???? Stay the course! Do not give up. Let your child know that you can keep your awesome attitude longer than he can keep up his tantrum.

After you have tried some version of the above techniques of being slowly helpful to your child, let your child know that you have tried everything you know to be helpful to him, and that know you are going to go play by yourself, and that he can continue to cry if he wants. Then go over to the corner of the room and start to play by yourself. Pick something to play with that you know your child likes, and then sincerely play this by yourself. It is not about trying to get your child to play with you, it is about communicating to your child that you have moved on, so have fun playing by yourself. When we do this what we often see here At the Autism Treatment Center of America is that the children may still cry for a while, but after a while ( which is different with very child) they either stop crying and start playing by themselves, or they come over and start playing with you. Either way your are communicating to your child that their tantrum no longer has currency with you.

For some of your children using crying as way to communicate has been effective with you for a long time. Thus they may stay invested in it for a while because of their history of it working with you. Keep yourself invested in really doing these techniques and attitudes for as long as it takes for your child to get through his use of the crying.
Sending much love to you and your children today.

2 Responses

  1. Kate,
    This is what I needed right now. I currently have not been enjoying my children when they play together, ( even though I feel its a gift that they are able to share. =-) )They are constantly whinning and screaming, crying, being generally destructive and out of fear that they will both turn into monsters I get quite upset. ( this is fairly new for me to feel so out of control myself.) They are 4 Riley ( who has Autism ) and 5 Gabe who does not…but certainly knows how to push my buttons. At any rate, thank you. This is what I need for my calm admidst my own chaos!

  2. Kate Wilde says:

    Hi Mommy Melinda,
    What a great Mommy you are too! I am glad that these have been useful for you – I know that you can do this – feel easy with your chidlrens whinning – know that i am routing for you.
    Much love to you and your two chidlren

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