FROM WILLIAM: We use many different wonderful ways of looking after ourselves, especially when it comes to ensuring that we stay emotionally feeling good. One particular way that I want to share with you is what I call the Unhappiness Compensation Cycle. It goes something like this:
We use many different wonderful ways of looking after ourselves, especially when it comes to ensuring that we stay emotionally feeling good. One particular way that I want to share with you is what I call the Unhappiness Compensation Approach. It goes something like this:
I feel uncomfortable in one area of my life, which I don’t want to look at or pay attention to because if I do I will feel even more uncomfortable. (I’m discomfort-phobic!!)
I can’t totally shake this uncomfortable feeling (it keeps following me around – even though I do my best to ignore it!!).
I go in search of something that I know will result in me giving myself a good feeling (i.e. eating, drinking, shopping, particular actions that will get me praise and love from others, etc.) – I go into unhappiness compensation mode!
The drawback of compensating in this way for an uncomfortable feeling is that after I have done any of these “feel good things” I am still left with my unhappiness. Most people do more and more of the “feel good things” to the point of personal detriment (i.e. over eating, over drinking, etc.) They then get into a cycle of compensating for this nagging, won’t-go-away unhappy feeling by doing these “feel good things” over and over again – and in the end they end up harming themselves.
So, what’s the solution? The solution is to look directly at what you are feeling unhappy about – to understand it – and then change the belief that fuels it.
This is exactly what a mother did recently during the Son-Rise Program Intensive. She was working with her child – but she pushed him to play her game, needing it to happen, and did not see that he was not connected or interested. She needed the interaction so that she would get praised and loved for making it happen. She needed the love because she was feeling upset in another area of her family life. She was trying to feel good in the only way she knew how – to do something else to compensate for not feeling good in that other area of her life.
After, during our feedback session, she chose to work out the underlying unhappiness in her family life that fueled her need and pushiness. As I dialogued her, she cried and talked about the situation and eventually came to a place of insight and then a place of peace. It was wonderful to see the change in her expression as she gave herself this feeling. She was brave to have looked at herself so honestly with a willingness to know who she was.
One of the beauties of the Son-Rise Program is that we come to understand how we can be happier through changing our beliefs (using the Option Process Dialogue) versus ignoring and avoiding our discomfort and creating a harmful compensation cycle!
Today – dare to look at a discomfort. Ask yourself a question or two (i.e. How do I feel? Why am I feeling this way? etc.) Dare to understand yourself a little more and learn to enjoy your life without having to compensate.
Love and smiles,