FROM GERD: When I talk to families, sometimes I hear a concern, a worry or an alarm go off when they report that their child has entered an “ism mode”. A time when children, often out of the blue, intensify their ism, become more withdrawn, exclusive and/or controlling. It can last a few days or a few weeks at a time.
There can be many different reasons for the children to have the need to take care of themselves by isming more. Perhaps the child was “pushed” too much, or the family moved to a different home, or a significant person left the team or the family, etc. Examining these kinds of possible reasons can be very helpful.
And there are many times when in spite of the most sincere exploration, the answers as to why elude us.
What if we don’t‘ need to know the reasons why…but simply filter the stimulus called “ism mode” through beliefs that help us and the child.
“I TRUST my child to know exactly for how long and how often to ism”.
“I UNDERSTAND that my child is climbing a huge mountain and needs to rest on the journey in order to process all the new and challenging information“.
“I TRUST my child is taking the time to get closer to loving and meaningful relationships with all the new friends he/she is making”.
“I BELIEVE that when my child is ready, he/she will be with me again according to his/her pace, ready for the next level”.
“I WILL BE THERE FOR YOU as long as it takes, because I love and accept you no matter what”.
“MY CHILD IS DOING HIS/HER BEST to take care of themselves”.
Those kinds of belief filters allow us to get back to the true spirit of joining, to find a deeper love and appreciation for the child and after all to feel good about ourselves. Everyone wins.