Is Your Child Shutting You Out?
FROM BECKY: Hi Guys,
I have just had the experience of working with two different amazing Son-Rise Program volunteers in two different Son-Rise Program’s where the child they were working with spent some of their session in the bathroom of the playroom, not wanting to come out.
In both these cases, the happiness/comfort level of the volunteer depended on whether the child came out of the bathroom or not. Because of this, they both spent most of the time that I observed trying to entice the children out of the bathroom in different ways. In both cases, the children either said “No” several times or pushed them away/hit them and closed the door.
The stimulus that was happening was that the child wanted control and space, it makes sense that if I am feeling uncomfortable in myself that I would want to change the stimulus and have the child come into the playroom to make myself feel better. This would be a temporary fix.
However, if I changed my focus to choosing to be comfortable and happy anyway, no matter whether this child was shutting me out or not there would be far more long term benefits. Here are some of them.
1) I feel better and will have more fun, the attitude of The Son-Rise Program is more important than the techniques.
2) I have a wonderful opportunity to give my child control. The more control I give, the more flexible they will be.
3) It is not my job to get them to come out, it is my job to love and accept them and know they are doing the best they can.
4) If I let go of the “Need” for my child to come out then there will be no pressure, and they will come out because they want to come out which is helping them to choose to be with me, over being “Pushed” to do so.
5) They will pick up on my attitude and may “Push buttons” when they know I get uncomfortable, not because they are naughty or mean but because it’s one way they know how to control things in this world.
Please feel free to ask any questions or list more benefits to doing this. I would love to hear more!