From Bears: Hope & The Opposite Alternative
A Son-Rise Program Mom wrote me that the doctors said her son with Autism would never talk in a meaningful way, never interact with warmth, never feel or express affection or love. Today, that little boy speaks endless sentences, hugs, plays affectionately, asks great questions and is so curious about the world. Why do people think pessimism is realistic and optimism is unreasonable? Love, Bears
I’ve always wondered the same myself.
Bears Barry Neil Kaufman
Let’s dream our biggest dream. Let’s not be limited by views of others (no matter what experties they claim) but be inspired what what we want for ourselves, our families and our children. Realism is about the past — it has zero to do with what’s possible today, right now. Hope and dreams is about today…what can be, what is possible. Two quotes I love: one is by Disraeli – “Nurture your mind with great thoughts for you will never go higher than you think.” The other is mine: “Stop believing is what is and start believing in what you want!” Love and smiles, Bears
Bears – this week a mother has brought her 32 year old son here to work with us at the Autism Treatment Center of America. How beautiful is that, through the Son-Rise Program, she has reconnected with her hope and love for her son. Even at 32, she still knows he has unlimited potential and hasn’t given up on helping him unleash it. I hung out with him today – he truly is the most incredible, loving, gentle man. We believe that every person – no matter how old or how challenged – deserves hope, deserves love and deserves a hand extended in friendship. Let’s celebrate these fearless, tireless, and powerful parents and their beautiful, fascinating, inspiring children!
It’s funny how people seem to try to trade pain today (realism) for a greater pain tomorrow (their view of optimism -or hope without conviction). But don’t we find that true optimists are the ones with clarity of what they want and they go after it. In the end, they rejoice in obtaining the “prize” and they are happy. We have choices in life. I choose optimism and hope.
You with the awesome questions. :o)
Shall we make it up? Nah…I’m having to much fun being “Optionistic”! :)))
I think the reluctance on embracing Hope is because Hope is not seen exactly in the same way by everybody. The general belief I encounter for Hope is one of embracing suffering to be able to get a prize later and the possibility of disappoi…ntment if you don’t get it. The liberating way we see Hope makes it a joy to enjoy any process ang get any result and energizes us making it the more possible for us to get what we want. The videos of Parents showing us how their children recovered from autism are becoming more and more common but the beauty of it is that you could film any Son-Rise family with children in any stage of recovery and they would all look the same as the Parents who already acchieved their goal, they are all happy in the same way because they’ve embraced Hope in its true meaning.
Sometimes I think people do pessimism as a way to take care of themselves. It happens when we become focussed on the destination rather than the journey. I used to think that if I only expected bad things to happen then I wouldn’t be disappointed when they did. If I could have avoided disappointment then somehow I wouldn’t need to judge myself as being stupid for not seeing the bad thing coming. So, I avoided the final disappointment and self – judgement, but look at the journey I gave myself – it was truly miserable.
Also we build evidence to support our beliefs which means that we can miss things that we would have been grateful for if only we were looking for them. Since coming to The Option Institute I have learned to do things differently – “to know… that we create our own experience means that we can create our own experience” (I think you said this first Bears ) means that we can choose hope and optimism – what an improvement on the journey – and the destination – who know’s – it’s not relevant to today.
Thanks for this thought provoking discussion Bears
Love hugs and smiles
I was really down after losing not only my love for a special person, but having my 3 little ones moved to the other end of the country at short notice (including my Aspergers boy). I wrote some words for my own comfort and read them and realised how sad they sounded and i knew they were not me. So i wrote the same verses with word changes and made myself see the silver lining and the sun breaking through, that became so powerful, it was full of optimisim and the knowledge that if we try to move forward, we will not only get through, but grow! Special people are not long lonely and now im not. Im very happy, but would i have achieved this by choosing the easier alternative? i know not. Believe in yourself, others will know you are “doing the best you can!”. And if “happiness is a choice” why choose sadness because it seems easier? Its remarkably easy to be happy too. TRY IT x.
Thank you Bears for your post. So often, we are told as parents by the so called “professionals” and teachers within the school system of our child’s limitations or sometimes we are told nothing at all. Whether professionals consider this …”realism” or not, this type of attitude sets up barriers and obstacles for a child’s growth. I WANT more for my child and I BELIEVE that his journey of growth and development is infinite. Every day still has it’s challenges, but I face those challenges with openness and see them has opportunities to help my son. I refuse to let anyone shut the door on my son! His journey is just beginning, and I will be there every step of the way!!!
Besides…it’s just MUCH MORE FUN to believe. Much, much more fun! Who doesn’t want that?
Lorna, so true! Imagine, not too long ago, people thought the Earth was flat. And, someone, believed otherwise. Thank goodness for the BELIEVERS in this world!!!
Thankyou for that Bears, I was rerunning a conversation I had with my younger brother some time ago in my head earlier today. It was about Raun just having autsm and Rohan having lots more to deal with, he was reciting just what you were talking about false hope, unrealistic, proof, case histoires, etc…I decided then that we were going to create the most loving, supportive environment possible and leave all that to Rohan, he can create whatever evidence and case histories he likes. Thankyou for reminding me again it is just a choice. Love, Rekha.x
I think that people think pessimism is realistic and optimism is unreasonable because they are in ego thinking and believing limiting thoughts and beliefs and create limiting emotions. which are responses to their thinking and believing. As they continue this cycle, they go round and round until something inspires them to consider another way of thinking and believing or they stay stuck in their thinking and experience.
I thought for years and years up until last year that the thoughts I thought were real and true. I believed they had to be because I thought them and I must be right. Little did I know that a lot of my thoughts were negative and limiting and that they are were right, real and true. Now I question them and decide for myself if they are right, real, and true for me now or if I to want think and believe something else. I have done a lot of changing thoughts and beliefs in the last year or so and my life has changed in so many wonderful ways!