Eliminating Control Battles With Your Child 

One of our children’s biggest challenges is flexibility — we are always looking to create a supportive environment for them where they get large amounts of control and there are limited boundaries for them to come up against. This is one of the reasons why The Son-Rise Program Playroom is so effective in helping our children gain the control they are seeking so that they can relax into connecting and relating to us more deeply. In essence, it’s a “Yes” environment which is easy and useful for them to be in. The playroom is also designed to be as distraction-free as possible, giving them more of an opportunity to notice us in a world where so much stimuli is coming in at them from all angles. In turn, this makes for an environment where you, yourself also have more control and limited distractions, making it much easier and more enjoyable for you to be with your child.

Doing as many hours, one-on-one with your child as possible in The Son-Rise Program Playroom is the ultimate environment for you both to be in, but making some changes outside of the playroom and around the house can also help you switch your role from “Police Person” to “The YES Man or Woman!”

Eliminating control battles around your personal property: Decide what you don’t want damaged and keep your valuables locked away in a room or a closet that’s easily accessible to you but not your child. This would apply to the bills, your laptop, that antique vase that is on the mantelpiece, etc. Less is more when it comes to our children so the less they have to distract them, the more control they get in the long run. Cover your nice leather couches if need be and if you have a child that is partial to peeing on the Persian rug, you can even lay some tarps down underneath the furniture for the time being. In the bathroom, lock away, shampoos, nail polish, etc, so that there is nothing available for your child to pour down the sink or squirt all over the walls.

Eliminating control battles around safety: If your child is a thrower, lock that marble doorstop away for now, along with any sharp objects such as scissors. Keep the kitchen knives in a childproof drawer. Place the TV and VCR in a lockable cabinet when your child is around. Household chemicals should be locked away, better still eliminate toxins and switch to natural cleaning products. If your child likes to spray water, turn off the faucet at the mains underneath the sink.

Eliminating control battles around food: Many of our children have sensitive Bio-Medical systems and food intolerances, so incorporating a certain diet may be something you are doing with your child. Anything that you don’t want your child to eat can be locked in a designated place where it’s out of sight, out of mind. If your child will eat 10 bananas in a row, only leave one banana in the fruit bowl that day.

Eliminating control battles around the schedule: Use explanations with your children whenever their environment is going to change. We are always working on our children creating a desire to connect and relate to people and that means we need to be as predictable and user-friendly as possible so that they can trust us more easily. So if you know that your Aunt Joan is coming round to visit, let your child know in advance. If you need to take your child to the Dentist, write it on the calendar and tell them every day that week exactly what’s going to happen and when.

Taking this time to adjust your surroundings will give you HUGE peace of mind to know that both you and your child will be safe and as boundary-free as possible helping you to be more relaxed and present and enabling you to enjoy your child and your environment to the fullest.

Becky Damgaard,
Son-Rise Program Teacher 

One Response

  1. I really enjoyed this post. Thanks Becky.

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